Father's Day at The Rocks | 1st September 2024

We’ve been told love is about chemistry, compatibility, and keeping your options open.
But if that’s true… why does it fall apart so easily?

For five weeks, we’re pulling back the curtain on relationships and asking a better question: what actually makes love last?
We’re not doing clichés. We’re not doing quick fixes. We’re exploring:
  • Why feelings aren’t enough
  • Why the “right person” doesn’t exist
  • Why relationships break even when you try your best, and
  • What kind of love actually holds under pressure

This series might challenge you, but it might also change the way you see love, commitment, and your future.

Watch The Messages 

The Secret of Marriage
Jun 21, 2026  •  Alistair Cochrane

Small Group Discussion Questions

Below you will find access to each week's discussion questions!
Week 1 | The Secret of Marriage
Most people look to relationships for meaning, fulfilment, and happiness, but can any relationship really carry that weight? In this message, we explore the surprising secret behind lasting marriage: not finding the right person, but learning to love like Jesus. Discover how sacrifice, grace, and commitment can transform both your relationship and your life.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
  1. When you were growing up, what picture of love or marriage did you absorb from family, friends, movies, or culture?
  2. The message suggested that we often expect marriage or relationships to give us identity and fulfilment. Why do you think people do that?
  3. Have you ever looked to a person, achievement, or relationship to provide something only God could provide? What happened?
  4. The talk described love as self-giving rather than self-serving. What makes that kind of love attractive? What makes it difficult?
  5. Where do you find yourself more naturally demanding than giving in your closest relationships?
  6. How might the example of Jesus' sacrificial love change the way we approach relationships?
  7. What's one practical way you could reflect Christ's self-giving love this week?
Week 2 | The Essence of Marriage
What if the strongest relationships aren't built on feelings at all? In a culture that treats love as something you fall into and out of, this message explores a different vision—one where commitment creates the foundation for deeper intimacy. Discover why lasting love grows through promises kept, not emotions chased.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
  1. What's something in your life that has become more valuable over time because you stayed committed to it?
  2. The talk contrasted consumer relationships with covenant relationships. Where do you see a consumer mindset showing up in modern dating and relationships?
  3. The message suggested that actions of love often produce feelings of love. Have you seen that principle work in any area of life?
  4. When relationships become difficult, do you naturally move toward devotion, withdrawal, or scorekeeping?
  5. What's one relationship where you could intentionally practise love through action rather than waiting for the feeling to come first?
Week 3 | The Power for Marriage
Most relationship problems aren't caused by a lack of information, they're caused by a lack of power. In this message, we explore how self-centredness quietly damages relationships and why real change requires something deeper than good advice. Discover the power that enables people to love, forgive, and grow when it's hardest to do so.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
  1. Why do you think people often assume relationship problems can be solved simply by learning better skills?
  2. The message suggested that self-centredness is often the deeper issue behind conflict. Do you agree? Why or why not?
  3. How does selfishness typically show up in your relationships when you're tired, stressed, or hurt?
  4. Which phrase stood out to you more: "I am more flawed than I think" or "I am more loved than I imagine"?
  5. The talk described the cycle of demanding rather than giving. Where have you seen that dynamic damage relationships?
  6. What practical difference would it make if your sense of worth came from Christ rather than from another person's approval?
  7. What is one area of your life where you need God's power, not just more effort, to bring lasting change?
Week 4 | Loving the Stranger
The longer you're with someone, the more they change, but so do you. Instead of seeing that as a threat, what if it's an opportunity? This message explores how healthy relationships embrace growth, navigate change, and help people become their best selves through truth, love, and grace.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
  1. How would your closest friends describe the biggest way you've changed over the past five years?
  2. Why do you think change can feel threatening in relationships?
  3. The talk suggested that difficulty doesn't necessarily mean you've chosen the wrong person—it may be part of the growth process. What do you think about that idea?
  4. Which is more natural for you when someone needs growth: truth without much grace, or grace without much truth?
  5. The message described marriage as loving not just who someone is, but who they are becoming. How does that perspective change the way we view relationships?
  6. Is there an area where God may be using tension, disappointment, or difficulty to shape your character?
  7. What would it look like this week to help someone move toward their future self through truth, love, and grace?
Week 5 | Embracing the Other
Differences can either divide us or help us grow. In this message, we explore how men and women were designed to complement one another and why healthy relationships don't require sameness to thrive. Discover how Christ-centred love turns difference from a source of conflict into a catalyst for deeper unity and growth.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
  1. What's one difference between you and someone close to you that has actually strengthened the relationship?
  2. Why do people often find differences harder to appreciate than similarities?
  3. The message suggested that our instinct is often to judge, resist, or fear what is different. Where do you see that tendency in yourself?
  4. How have you seen differences become a source of growth rather than conflict?
  5. What stood out to you about Jesus' model of leadership through service and sacrifice?
  6. The talk described submission as strength expressed through love, and headship as leadership expressed through sacrifice. How does that differ from common cultural assumptions?
  7. Where in your life is God currently asking you to move toward someone who sees the world differently than you do?
  8. What's one practical way you can treat difference as a gift rather than a threat this week?

Read

The below books would be what we recommend to do a full deep dive into everything we are tracking with on Sundays.

The Meaning of Marriage

Tim Keller
Modern culture would make you believe that everyone has a soul-mate; that romance is the most important part of a successful marriage; that your spouse is there to help you realize your potential; that marriage does not mean forever, but merely for now; that starting over after a divorce is the best solution to seemingly intractable marriage issues. All those modern-day assumptions are, in a word, wrong.  
 
Using the Bible as his guide, coupled with insightful commentary from his wife Kathy, Keller shows that God created marriage to bring us closer to Him and to bring us more joy in our lives. It is a glorious relationship that is also the most misunderstood and mysterious. This book is essential reading for anyone who wants to know God and love more deeply.  
Buy at Koorong

Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age

Ben Stuart
God gives us purpose in each relational season we experience: singleness, dating, engagement, and marriage. Discover how to thrive in each one in the updated edition of the bestselling Single, Dating, Engaged, Married, now with a new chapter.
Buy at Koorong

The Mingling of Souls

Matt Chandler
The Song of Solomon offers strikingly candid and timeless insights on romance, dating, marriage, and sex. We need it. Because emotions rise and fall with a single glance, touch, kiss, or word. And we are inundated with songs, movies, and advice that contradicts God's design for love and intimacy.  
 
Matt Chandler helps navigate these issues for both singles and marrieds by revealing the process Solomon himself followed: Attraction, Courtship, Marriage... even Arguing.
Buy at Koorong

Watch

The below content would be what we recommend to do a bit more viewing around these ideas.

The Key to Marriage Longevity

John Piper, Tim Keller, D.A. Carson

Theology of Singleness

Timothy Keller